I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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