It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
