apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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