Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
