Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I look better un-naked...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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