Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize