Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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