i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
