you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
