Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize