All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
