then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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