Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
