This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
