Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
