if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was like eating out sand paper
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
