Me too!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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