If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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