is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
