I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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