Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
