the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
