Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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