That's intense
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
