I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
