hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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