all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
