Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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