Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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