I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
