did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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