You made me cry and you don't even care
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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