U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
