Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize