My Higher Power is John Stamos
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
