You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
