My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
