Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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