Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
