I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
