My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
