her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
