We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
