i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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