Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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