Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
