Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
