Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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