i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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