Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
