I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
