Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
