Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
