I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
