yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
