Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dicks are not precious.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
