The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
