great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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