i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My penis needs a shock collar
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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