I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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